Techno Terms Dictionary

THE TECHNO TERMS DICTIONARY Now for a few variations on familiar terms: STATE-OF-THE-ART Any computer you can't afford. OBSOLETE Any computer you own. MICROSECOND The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. SYNTAX ERROR Walking into a computer store and saying... 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.' HARD DRIVE The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error. GUI What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey') KEYBOARD The standard way to generate computer errors. MOUSE An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. FLOPPY The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. PORTABLE COMPUTER (laptops) A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. DISK CRASH A typical computer response to any critical deadline. POWER USER Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. SYSTEM UPDATE A quick method of trashing ALL of your software. 386 The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

Marketing concepts explained

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
- That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him."
- That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
- That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?"
- That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
- That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him.
- That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.
- That's restriction for entering new markets

Quotes from NAVJOT SIDHU

A collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

(made during his commentary of the cricket matches):

1. That ball went so high it could have got an

airhostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India,

but it's that of an incoming train which will run them

over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when

you are bald.

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian

taximeter.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way

they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a

lot of petrol but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me

tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in

the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumblebee and the

Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a

haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a

topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the

cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala..! One

falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss

without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a

goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to

Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first

two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect

to score a six.

21. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

22. Nobody travels on the road to success without a

puncture or two.

23. You got to choose between tightening your belt or

losing your pants.

24. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

25. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming

youth.

26. You may have a heart of gold, but so does! A

hard-boiled egg.

27. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking

competition.

28. The third umpires should be changed as often as

nappies and for the same reason.

29. The world is all about mind and matter, I don't

mind and U don't matter...

30. In London they drive on the left, in India we

drive on what is left!

Howzzzzaaattttttt!!!!!

Position v/s Performance

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead
of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to
admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Johhny J., taxi driver from New York !
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Johhny J.: Please take this
silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming
I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church the last
40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe
& enter the Kingdom of Heaven .

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed,
driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a
who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to
do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people
PRAYED.

Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that matters....