LOL

LOL

Monday, December 28, 2009

Difference that counts...


1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Santa Interview..

AN INTERESTING INTERVIEW........Santa Strikes Again!!!

Interviewer : Let me check your word Power... 
Santa : Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.
Santa : hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come 
Santa : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Santa : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Santa : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Santa : Keep Talking.
Interviewer : now stop these all..
Santa : now carry on this all
Interviewer : abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa 
Santa : abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer : Areeee yaaar
Santa : areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Santa : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Santa : Oh your Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Santa : I m selected...I M SELECTED??? REALLY?? BALLE BALLE

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

IAS Toppers Answers!!!!!

These are real answers given by IAS TOPPERS...read on.....

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Problem, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will get wet and sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A. The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Dinner. (UPSC 29 rank)

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A. It caused a revolution. (UPSC 55 rank)

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A. Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Monday, November 2, 2009

A Woman's Mind

A man walking along a Goa beach was deep in prayer.
Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?"

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A Girl can change your GOAL!!



                      Now that's what I call Intelligence

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Recession T-Shirts

























(Source: www.designonline.me)

Friday, October 2, 2009

How to make a Woman HAPPY!!

It's really not difficult...

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a psychologist

15. a pest exterminator

16. a psychiatrist

17. a healer

18. a good listener

19. an organizer

20. a good father

21. very clean

22. sympathetic

23. athletic

24. warm

25. attentive

26. gallant

27. intelligent

28. funny

29. creative

30. tender

31. strong

32. understanding

33. tolerant

34. prudent

35. ambitious

36. capable

37. courageous

38. determined

39. true

40. dependable

41. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

42. give her compliments regularly

43. love shopping

44. be honest

45. be very rich

46. not stress her out

47. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

48. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

49. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

50. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

51. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

ONLY .........................................

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

WHO'S IN CHARGE?



All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who the one in charge was.



"I should be in charge," said the
brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the
blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the
stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the
legs, "Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the
eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the
rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the
rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain
had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?


The
asshole is usually in charge!!



Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Perfect Hubby

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping center and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs. 40,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 2,50,00,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 2,25,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go for the extra amount. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks: ............ .......


............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......


............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ ......

............ .......

............ .......

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............ .......

............ .......

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............ .......

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............ .......

............ .......



"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to????"




Saturday, August 29, 2009

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it"
means
"You will do it"

2."You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"It’s not getting done - At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight mis-communication"
means
"We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "
means
"We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out,so no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,"
means
"Well you know..."

15."We are a team,"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best"
means
"You are in trouble"


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Meaning of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

Friday, August 7, 2009

Ratings Game for MEN

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men: Make the woman happy.


Do something she likes, and you get points.


Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.


You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)


You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)


You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)


You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)


You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)


You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)


You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)


You pummel it with iron rod (+10)


It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)


You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)


Named Rita (-4)


Rita is a dancer (-6)


Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)


HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)


You take her out to dinner (0)


You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)


Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)


And its all-you-can-eat night (-3)


It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)


You take her to a movie she likes (+4)


You take her to a movie you hate (+6)


You take her to a movie you like (-2)


It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)


You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]


You hesitate in responding (-10)


You reply, "Where?" (-35)


Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)


You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)


You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)


She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)