Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it"
means
"You will do it"

2."You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"It’s not getting done - At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight mis-communication"
means
"We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "
means
"We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out,so no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,"
means
"Well you know..."

15."We are a team,"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best"
means
"You are in trouble"

Meaning of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

Ratings Game for MEN

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And its all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)