New Year New Beginning

Funny Directions To Follow

In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer goods:

• On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

•  On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. "Details inside." (The shoplifter special)

• On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

• On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion)

• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down. (Too late!)

• On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating. (As night follows day)

• On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But, wouldn't this save me more time?)

• On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

• On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

• On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

• On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(Talk about a news flash.)

• On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.

• On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

• On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)