New Year New Beginning

Funny Directions To Follow

In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer goods:

• On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

•  On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. "Details inside." (The shoplifter special)

• On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

• On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion)

• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down. (Too late!)

• On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating. (As night follows day)

• On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But, wouldn't this save me more time?)

• On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

• On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

• On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

• On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(Talk about a news flash.)

• On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.

• On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

• On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

What are you doing Idiot!!

Funny Answering Machine Messages

• Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry – I have plenty of money.

• Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So, can you talk to it instead?

• Hi, I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?

• Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I’ll call you sooner.

• Hi! Tom’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

• Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need double glazing and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they’ll get back to you.

• This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, think about your number, and think about your reason for calling. Then I’ll think about returning your call.

• Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message and, if I don’t call you back, it’s you.

• Hi, this is George. I’m sorry that I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call back.

• Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and used by us.

• My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now but, if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

• Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down and I like doing it left to right slowly. So leave a message and, when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll get back to you.

Happy Halloween Fellas!!

Happy Diwali..Play Safe, Stay Safe

Wrong Email Address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Boss vs Leader

I have no Boss!!!

Thief and the dress

The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.
Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"

Nikon vs Cannon

Man O Man !!

When without money, eats wild vegetables at home
When has money, eats same wild vegetables in fine restaurant.

When without money, rides bicycle;
When has money, rides exercise machine.

When without money, walks to earn food
When has money, walks to lose the fat

Man O Man ! Never fails to deceive thyself !

When without money, wishes to get married;
When has money, wishes to get divorced.

When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When has money, secretary becomes wife.

When without money, acts like rich man;
When has money, acts like poor man.

Man, O Man, never can tell the simple truth !

Says share market is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps accumulating.
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.
Says gambling & drinking is bad but keeps indulging;

Man O Man ! Never means what he says and never says what he means!

Father of the Year

 

 

New Scarf !!

Source: www.myindianpictures.com