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Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Friday, April 10, 2015

Free Mobile Recharge. Try It..



Hello All,

Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process

Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how technology can be used to make technicians fool.

I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend is B.Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai, teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all for you.

Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it:

Applicable for VODAFONE, AIRTEL & BSNL users only, sorry for IDEA and RELIANCE users and is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal, who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead  without worrying.

You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month as the network system is under upgrade.

 
TAKE UR MOBILE or Note it Down in a Piece of paper


1.) ** Dial "1415007" using your h/phone and wait for 5 second

2.) ** after 5 second, you will hear some funny noise (like sound from TV when the station is finish)

3.) ** Once the noise stop, immediately dial 9151 follow by your phone number

4.) ** A recorded message "please insert your pin number" will follow

5.) ** punch in the pin number "011785 4522700734" and wait for the operator finish repeating the
above pin number.

6.) ** After the pin number has been repeat, dial -
0405-for AIRTEL,
404-for VODAFONE,
404-for BSNL".

7.) ** you will hear a message "for air time top-up press 1723" you just have to follow the instruction

8.) ** After you follow the instruction, the noisy
sound will re-appear for about 5 second

9.) ** once the noise stop, dial "4455147" follow by "146"

10.) ** after about 5 second, dial "1918" after 3 second dial "4451"

11.) ** after you done that, punch in the serial number "01174452271145527" you will hear dial tone.

12.) ** once the dialing tone stop, dial "55524785933" you will hear
“please key in your password"

13.) ** the password is " ****2+253+7891*+546322”
wait for the message "your password accepted"

14.) ** you will hear “please insert your IMEI number" now you have to be fast to dial your
own phone number

15.) ** you will hear a dialing tone, when the call is answered, dial
"1566" and you will hear "re-confirm emei number"

16.) ** once you hear that message, dial "60115562245334 follow by your h/phone number"

17.) ** after a while, you will hear a message "your pin number is accepted" you have to dial "1007"

18.) ** after you done that you will hear "your IMEI number is accepted"

19.) ** continue dial "4566" you will hear "your password is accepted"


20.) ** once the second message finish, immediately dial your own h/phone number



21.) ** Now you will receive a message saying
............





22.) "NOTHING IS FREE IN THIS WORLD, . SO, GET BACK TO WORK AND DON'T WASTE TIME !!"
Bye.........Bye...........

Monday, February 23, 2015

Why Men are more happier!

  • Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Wedding dress $5000. Wedding Tux rental $100.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can be President.
  • You can never be pregnant.
  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your oyster.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  • You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • Same work, but more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • One mood all the time.
  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  • You never have strap problems in public.
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  • You only have to shave your face and neck.
  • You can play with toys all your life.
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
  • You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
  • You can do Christmas shopping on December 24th in 25 minutes.
~~~~NICKNAMES~~~~
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. 
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Christmas Glasses

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes  Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."


Saturday, December 6, 2014

Funny Directions To Follow

In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer goods:
  • On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
  •  On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. "Details inside." (The shoplifter special)
  • On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)
  • On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion)
  • On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down. (Too late!)
  • On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating. (As night follows day)
  • On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But, wouldn't this save me more time?)
  • On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
  • On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
  • On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
  • On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
  • On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(Talk about a news flash.)
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.
  • On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
  • On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Funny Answering Machine Messages

  • Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry – I have plenty of money.
  • Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is. So, can you talk to it instead?
  • Hi, I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
  • Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I’ll call you sooner.
  • Hi! Tom’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
  • Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need double glazing and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they’ll get back to you.
  • This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, think about your number, and think about your reason for calling. Then I’ll think about returning your call.
  • Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message and, if I don’t call you back, it’s you.
  • Hi, this is George. I’m sorry that I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call back.
  • Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and used by us.
  • My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now but, if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
  • Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down and I like doing it left to right slowly. So leave a message and, when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll get back to you.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Wrong Email Address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Thief and the dress

The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.
Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"

Sunday, May 27, 2012

That 4 Letter WORD !!!


A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon

When they got back, the bride immediately called up her mother

"Well," said her mother," so how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."  
Suddenly she burst out crying.
 
"But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to  take me home..., "PLEASE MAMA!" 
 
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
 
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
 
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used  words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

God created.......

God created the donkey  
and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 
50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live
50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.

.........................................................................................

God created the dog
and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live
30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.

.........................................................................................
God created the monkey
and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live
20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
.........................................................................................
Finally God created man ...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live
20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the
30 years that the donkey refused,
the
15 years that the dog did not want and
the
10 years the monkey refused."
God granted man's wish
.........................................................................................

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends  30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
 
 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

How to Catch a LION


Newton's Method:
 
Let, the lion catch you.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Implies you caught lion.

 
Einstein Method:

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.

Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.

Now you can trap it easily.  
  

Software Engineer Method:
 

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that it’s a Lion.

If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.


Indian Police Method:

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that it’s a Lion.


Rajnikanth Method:

 
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.

The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

 
Jayalalitha Method:
 

Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping!


Manirathnam Method (director):

 
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark

room with a single candle lighted.

Keep murmuring something in its ears.

The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.


Karan Johar Method (director):
 

Send a lioness into the forest.

Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.

Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.

First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.

But 2nd lioness loves both lions.

Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.

You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!


Yash Chopra method (director):

 
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.

 
Govinda method:

 
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

 
Menaka Gandhi method:

 
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.


George bush method:

 
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!

  
RaviShastri method:

 
Ask the lion to bowl at u.

U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run

Lion tired and surrenders..


All the best and be careful if u r trying out any!!
 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 7)


61. No one can wish a happy birthday to Rajnikant because he was here before time existed
62. Rajnikant got admission in medical profession. And gave viva exam. In the end he asked the examiner to come back after preparation.
63. Rajnikant was born on 30th February.. Since then February decided not to give this date to anyone else..!! Mind it...
64. Once Rajnikant and a small girl were playing cards. Rajni loses the game inspite having 3 ACES. Why?? Because the girl had 3 RAJNIKANTS…!!!
65. Rajni in Tamil remake of Aamir’s Ghulam. Rajni runs on railway track, the train is now at a distance of 1 mtr. Now what? Obviously… The train jumps off the track.
66. Even gajani remembers rajni.
67. This year’s RAJNIKANT award goes to …… Oscar
68. Why Osama was killed so late? Well!! Rajnikant wasn’t interested.
69. Once Rajnikant participated in 100 meter running race. Don’t even try 2 guess what happened. Rajnikant won the race. Seeing this Einstein committed suicide. Do you know why? Coz light came third, but who came 2nd????????? ---------- Rajnikant’s shadow.
     70. One day Rajnikant bunked school, now it’s known as Sunday.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 6)


51. Once Rajnikant was on Hot Seat of KBC and Computer needed Lifeline to choose the question.
52. If Rajnikant’s PC hangs, its time for the next Windows release by Microsoft.
53. Rajnikant was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the title wouldn’t make any sense.
54. Rajnikant can run you over with a parked car.
55. Rajnikant can whistle in five different languages, including sign language
56. Rajnikant can sneeze with his eyes open.
57. Once, Rajnikant told Nike to ‘just do it…’ and it did.
58. Lifetime Warranties do not exist because of Rajnikant.
59. Rajnikant doesn’t have bad days. Bad days have Rajnikant
      60. When Rajnikant was born, the only person crying was the doctor.You NEVER slap Rajnikant..

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 5)


41. When Rajnikant was a kid he made his mom eat her vegetables!
42. The oceans are filled with tears of Rajnikant victims.
43. The only reason ShahRukh Khan stuttered in the movie Darr is because he saw Rajnikant behind Juhi Chawla!!
44. We face earthquakes only when Rajnikant plays skipping.
45. Rajnikant B.Com Accounting Answer Paper is termed as ACCOUNTING STANDARDS
46. Once Rajnikant participated in Bike race. Don’t even try 2 guess what happened. Rajnikant won d race on Neutral gear. Mind it
47. Once Rajnikant lost his Wallet. Since then The World is Facing Recession
48. Newton gave us just the three dumb laws of motion. Rajnikant has already given us 33,945 laws of commotion and the count is far from completed.
49. The movie ‘300′ was initially planned to be made with Rajnikant. It was originally named ‘1'.
50. An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai … Rajnikant stopped it in Lonawala.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 3)


21. Rajnikant’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikant.
22. Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi.
23. Neo was “the one”, Rajnikant is “the only one”
24. Rajnikant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
25. Contrary to popular belief, Rajnikant cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down
26. Some magicians can walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land.
27. If Rajnikant ever got caught for speeding, he’d let the cops off with a warning.
28. Rajnikant can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together
29. Rajnikant runs until the treadmill gets tired
30. Rajnikant irons his Pants with them still on.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 2)


11. Rajnikant once killed 20 men just by saying "BANG"
12. Rajinikant knows Victoria’s secret. 
13. Rajinikant can divide by zero.
14. Rajinikant has counted to infinity, twice.
15. When Rajinikant gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
     16. Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!
17. Once Rajnikant signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced!!!
18. Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’!!
19. When GOD is shocked, he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikant!”‌
20. Great mystery solved: the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 1)


    Guys presenting the great Indian Rajnikant..Tons n Tons of laughter..but this is just Part 1..Njoy!!!!!!!!!!
 
1. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
2. Rajnikant has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
3. Rajnikant killed the Dead Sea.
4. If you spell ‘Rajanikant’ wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajnikant?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
5. Rajnikant can play the violin with a piano
6. Rajnikant once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced!
7. Micheal Jordan to Rajni: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajni: Rascala; how do you think the earth spins!?
8. Rajnikant once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
9. When Rajnikant logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status  message!
10. If Rajnikant was born 100 years earlier, British would have fought to get independence from India.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

People With Conflicting Names Getting Married


What would happen if two people with conflicting names got married?


What would Bo Derek be called if she married Don Ho? Bo Ho?


Well, here are a few more:


- If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.


- If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.


- If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.("Going up?")


- If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.


- If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.


- If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.("Sorry Ma'am, what was your name again?")


- If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.("Ouch!")


- If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.


- If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

- If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.("Double Ouch!")


- If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.("This marriage wouldn't last!")


- How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.


- If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

- Nog (Related to Quark on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.("He he")


- If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.


- If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.


- If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.("Sing along!")