Funny Directions To Follow

In case you need further proof the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on current consumer goods:

• On a Sear's hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

•  On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. "Details inside." (The shoplifter special)

• On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

• On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion)

• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down. (Too late!)

• On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating. (As night follows day)

• On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But, wouldn't this save me more time?)

• On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

• On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

• On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

• On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."(Talk about a news flash.)

• On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.

• On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

• On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)