- Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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- Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the
same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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- Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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- Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welllll pretend to smile)
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- Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can u see 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////-----+++
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- Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
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- Tech Support: "Just call us back if there’s a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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- Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot
- A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: "What's the problem?"
User: "There is smoke coming out of the power supply."
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: "You'll need a new power supply."
User:" No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. "
Tech:" Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. "
User: "No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. "
Tech support::
Tech supports ::( hush hush)
Tech: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. "
User:" I knew it! "
Tech : "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes."
10 minutes later.
User : "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
Tech : "Well, what version of DOS are you using?"
User :'' MS-DOS 6.22."
Tech : "That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes."
1 hour later.
User : "I need a new power supply."
Tech support :" How did you come to that conclusion?"
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : "Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. "
Tech support:" Then what did he say? "
User: "He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE."
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Height Of all (Too Good)
- Tech support: "I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?"
Customer: "sure"
Tech support : "could u left click on start and do u find ’My Computer'?"
Customer:" I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? "
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