A father chided his five-year old daughter for wasting a roll of expansive gold wrapping paper. Money was scarce and he became even more upset when the child wasted the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
The little girl brought the gift box to her father the next morning and said: “this is for u Daddy”. The father felt embarrassed. Had he overreacted the previous night? To his annoyance, he found out that the box was empty. “Don’t u know young lady, when u give someone a present u are supposed to place the gift inside the package?”
The little girl’s eyes filled with tears. “Daddy, it’s not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was full,” she said. The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his little girl and begged her to forgive him for being so ignorant.
Few days later an accident took the life of the child. The father kept that gold box by his bed for the rest of his life. And whenever he was discouraged or faced problems he would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
Each one of us as human beings have been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and God. Nothing can be more precious and nothing is more taken than for granted than unconditional love....
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' ClearanceCenters are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #12: Tickets to a Patriots game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: "What's the problem?"
User: "There is smoke coming out of the power supply."
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: "You'll need a new power supply."
User:" No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. "
Tech:" Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. "
User: "No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. "
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech supports ::( hush hush)
Tech: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. "
User:" I knew it! "
Tech : "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM atthe end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes."
10 minutes later.
User : "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
Tech : "Well, what version of DOS are you using?"
User :'' MS-DOS 6.22."
Tech : "That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes."
1 hour later.
User : "I need a new power supply."
Tech support :" How did you come to that conclusion?"
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : "Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. "
Tech support:" Then what did he say? "
User: "He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE."
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Height Of all (Too Good)
Tech support: "I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?"
Customer: "sure"
Tech support : "could u left click on start and do u find ’My Computer'?"
Customer:" I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer? "
