|
|
|
| THE TECHNO TERMS DICTIONARY
| |
LOL
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Techno Terms Dictionary
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Marketing concepts explained
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
- That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him."
- That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
- That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?"
- That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
- That's demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him.
- That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.
- That's restriction for entering new markets
Friday, July 10, 2009
Quotes from NAVJOT SIDHU
A collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu
(made during his commentary of the cricket matches):
1. That ball went so high it could have got an
airhostess down with it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for
but it's that of an incoming train which will run them
over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when
you are bald.
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian
taximeter.
7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way
they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a
lot of petrol but cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me
tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in
the whole world, which does not have wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumblebee and the
Indians are in the sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a
haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a
topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the
cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in
falls and everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss
without a Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a
goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first
two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect
to score a six.
21. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
22. Nobody travels on the road to success without a
puncture or two.
23. You got to choose between tightening your belt or
losing your pants.
24. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
25. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming
youth.
26. You may have a heart of gold, but so does! A
hard-boiled egg.
27. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking
competition.
28. The third umpires should be changed as often as
nappies and for the same reason.
29. The world is all about mind and matter, I don't
mind and U don't matter...
30. In
drive on what is left!
Howzzzzaaattttttt!!!!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Position v/s Performance
of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to
admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?
The guy replies: I am Johhny J., taxi driver from New York !
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Johhny J.: Please take this
silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming
I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church the last
40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe
& enter the Kingdom of Heaven .
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed,
driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a
who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to
do with a Cotton robe?'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people
PRAYED.
Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that matters....
Monday, June 15, 2009
New HRD rules
TRANSPORTATION :
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
LUNCH BREAK :
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS :
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE :
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
Important Note:
Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Best regards,
HRD