Have Fun

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 7)

2011-11-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

61. No one can wish a happy birthday to Rajnikant because he was here before time existed

62. Rajnikant got admission in medical profession. And gave viva exam. In the end he asked the examiner to come back after preparation.

63. Rajnikant was born on 30th February.. Since then February decided not to give this date to anyone else..!! Mind it...

64. Once Rajnikant and a small girl were playing cards. Rajni loses the game inspite having 3 ACES. Why?? Because the girl had 3 RAJNIKANTS…!!!

65. Rajni in Tamil remake of Aamir’s Ghulam. Rajni runs on railway track, the train is now at a distance of 1 mtr. Now what? Obviously… The train jumps off the track.

66. Even gajani remembers rajni.

67. This year’s RAJNIKANT award goes to …… Oscar

68. Why Osama was killed so late? Well!! Rajnikant wasn’t interested.

69. Once Rajnikant participated in 100 meter running race. Don’t even try 2 guess what happened. Rajnikant won the race. Seeing this Einstein committed suicide. Do you know why? Coz light came third, but who came 2^nd????????? ---------- Rajnikant’s shadow.

70. One day Rajnikant bunked school, now it’s known as Sunday.

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 6)

2011-09-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

51. Once Rajnikant was on Hot Seat of KBC and Computer needed Lifeline to choose the question.

52. If Rajnikant’s PC hangs, its time for the next Windows release by Microsoft.

53. Rajnikant was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the title wouldn’t make any sense.

54. Rajnikant can run you over with a parked car.

55. Rajnikant can whistle in five different languages, including sign language

56. Rajnikant can sneeze with his eyes open.

57. Once, Rajnikant told Nike to ‘just do it…’ and it did.

58. Lifetime Warranties do not exist because of Rajnikant.

59. Rajnikant doesn’t have bad days. Bad days have Rajnikant

60. When Rajnikant was born, the only person crying was the doctor.You NEVER slap Rajnikant..

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 5)

2011-06-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

41. When Rajnikant was a kid he made his mom eat her vegetables!

42. The oceans are filled with tears of Rajnikant victims.

43. The only reason ShahRukh Khan stuttered in the movie Darr is because he saw Rajnikant behind Juhi Chawla!!

44. We face earthquakes only when Rajnikant plays skipping.

45. Rajnikant B.Com Accounting Answer Paper is termed as ACCOUNTING STANDARDS

46. Once Rajnikant participated in Bike race. Don’t even try 2 guess what happened. Rajnikant won d race on Neutral gear. Mind it

47. Once Rajnikant lost his Wallet. Since then The World is Facing Recession

48. Newton gave us just the three dumb laws of motion. Rajnikant has already given us 33,945 laws of commotion and the count is far from completed.

49. The movie ‘300′ was initially planned to be made with Rajnikant. It was originally named ‘1'.

50. An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai … Rajnikant stopped it in Lonawala.

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind It (Part 4)

2011-05-29T00:07:00.000-07:00

31. Rajnikant can squeeze orange juice from a banana

32. In the back of the book of world records, it says “All records are held by Rajnikant. The ones listed are in second place

33. Rajnikant can tie his shoes with his feet

34. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Rajnikant out. It failed miserably.

35. 1000 yrs from now……..robots will make movie named “Rajnikant”

36. Rajnikant once entered a race he came first, second and third.

37. Rajnikant added Facebook as his friend.

38. Once Rajnikant was caught on the highway for over speeding… while walking…

39. Rajnikant once wrote his autobiography. Today that book is known as “Guinness book of world RECORDS”.

40. Once Rajnikant mumbled some numbers in his sleep. Those numbers
are today collectively known as the “LOG TABLE.”

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 3)

2011-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

21. Rajnikant’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikant.

22. Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi.

23. Neo was “the one”, Rajnikant is “the only one”

24. Rajnikant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

25. Contrary to popular belief, Rajnikant cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down

26. Some magicians can walk on water, Rajnikant can swim through land.

27. If Rajnikant ever got caught for speeding, he’d let the cops off with a warning.

28. Rajnikant can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together

29. Rajnikant runs until the treadmill gets tired

30. Rajnikant irons his Pants with them still on.

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 2)

2011-02-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

11. Rajnikant once killed 20 men just by saying "BANG"

12. Rajinikant knows Victoria’s secret.

13. Rajinikant can divide by zero.

14. Rajinikant has counted to infinity, twice.

15. When Rajinikant gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

16. Rajnikant can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!

17. Once Rajnikant signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced!!!

18. Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’!!

19. When GOD is shocked, he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikant!”‌

20. Great mystery solved: the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!

Mindblowing Rajnikant..Mind it...(Part 1)

2011-01-16T02:30:00.000-08:00

Guys presenting the great Indian Rajnikant..Tons n Tons of laughter..but this is just Part 1..Njoy!!!!!!!!!!

1. Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

2. Rajnikant has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.

3. Rajnikant killed the Dead Sea.

4. If you spell ‘Rajanikant’ wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajnikant?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

5. Rajnikant can play the violin with a piano

6. Rajnikant once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced!

7. Micheal Jordan to Rajni: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?

Rajni: Rascala; how do you think the earth spins!?

8. Rajnikant once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.

9. When Rajnikant logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!

10. If Rajnikant was born 100 years earlier, British would have fought to get independence from India.

What Happens to the IT Professionals after Death

2010-11-21T07:59:00.000-08:00

Scroll down for answer .....
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1. PROGRAMMERS

2. NETWORKING EXPERT

3. HTML / XML EXPERT

People With Conflicting Names Getting Married

2010-10-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

What would happen if two people with conflicting names got married?

What would Bo Derek be called if she married Don Ho? Bo Ho?

Well, here are a few more:

- If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

- If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

- If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.("Going up?")

- If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

- If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

- If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.("Sorry Ma'am, what was your name again?")

- If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.("Ouch!")

- If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.

- If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

- If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.("Double Ouch!")

- If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.("This marriage wouldn't last!")

- How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

- If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

- Nog (Related to Quark on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.("He he")

- If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

- If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

- If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.("Sing along!")

Mumbai Local Train Rules

2010-09-09T08:53:00.001-07:00

While traveling by the Mumbai local trains.....ALWAYS REMEMBER....

   1) Never iron your shirt if you intend to travel during peak hours.

            The packed train shall do the needful.

       2) Thou shall buy a first class pass only if your company is paying for it.

       3) Else thou should be really rich with an annual income of at least Rs.10 lakhs

            traveling by first class. Otherwise it is a public crime.

       4) Before getting off at a station always make sure to ask the person ahead of you,

           "Uterega Kya?" This way you shall not feel left out.

      5) If you happen to be one of those few gazillion, who travel by train during peak

           hours, on a regular basis, do not spend money on gymnasiums or health

          instructors. You will realize how effortlessly and in an innovative manner,

         one can practice yoga while traveling.

      6) If you have already started practicing this innovative yoga, see to it that it

           remains within the confinements of the train compartment. Try these steps

          anywhere else and you'll soon get yourself locked up in mental asylum.

      7) Always push the person standing ahead of you. It is amusing when the person

           ahead of you does not use a single word against you.

     8) In case you happen to sweat or if your nose starts twitching, rub the desired

          body part on the clothes of the person standing closest to you. Your hands are

         gonna be of no use to you at that time.

     9) Make sure you are the tallest among those standing around you. It affects you

          less when others have to bear the smell of your armpits.

    10) Avoid traveling in slippers or sandals. It is an accepted fact that someone

            always climbs on to your foot.

         Regards,

         Mumbai Dakka-Bukki Sanghatna

         Office address:

         8:45 am 12 Dabba Borivli Local

         6th Dabba from the Guard Side

         For exact location -- follow the sound of Bhajan!!!

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Funny Computer Errors

2010-08-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

Divorce Cakes

2010-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Very Funny Divorce CAKES

Why MICROSOFT shouldn't make Cars!!!

2010-06-19T00:12:00.001-07:00

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: 'If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car98' or 'CarXP.' Then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that's powered by the sun, more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

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Equations!!!!!

2010-06-07T00:04:00.000-07:00

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:

Human - enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,

A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++

Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:

Man - earn money = Donkey

In other words

Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

Equation 3

Woman= eat + sleep + spend

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Woman = Donkey + spend

Woman - spend = Donkey

In other words,

Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!

And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:

Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

PLEASE IGNORE IF U R MARRIED.....

Learn Chinese in Minutes

2010-05-19T09:39:00.003-07:00

English phrase	Chinese Interpretation
Are you harboring a fugitive?	Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.	Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man	Dum Gai
Small Horse	Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!!	No Bai Dam Thing!
Did you go to the beach?	Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table	Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift	Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here	Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed?	Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution	Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet	Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone	No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?	Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright	Yu So Dum
I got this for free	Ai No Pei
I am not guilty	Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer	Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week	Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived	Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight	Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile	Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive	Hu Man Go!
Pew! does this bathroom stink!	Hu Flung Dung?

Don't Mess With Children

2010-04-29T22:42:00.000-07:00

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,

"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

DEATHS THAT MADE EVEN TOP DOCTORS WONDER...

2010-04-14T09:08:00.001-07:00

This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil..... Just when the clock struck 11...

and then......

then.....

then........

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and

unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner!!!!

Best Interview

2010-03-30T04:35:00.000-07:00

One of the best interviews 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele-Communication Engineering from Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it... What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I cannot invest so much of money". (The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - Baban Rao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in math. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have u worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was just another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hot fixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality', 'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months’ assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to the company.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of a leading IT Firm.

Murphy's Laws

2010-03-18T00:08:00.003-07:00

Murphy's First Law:

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Murphy's Second Law:

Everything takes longer than you think.

Murphy's Third Law:

In any field of endeavor, anything that can go

wrong will go wrong.

Murphy's Fourth Law:

If there is a possibility that several things

can go wrong, then the one that will cause the

greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.

Murphy's Fifth Law:

If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will

anyway.

Murphy's Sixth Law:

If you perceive that there are four possible ways

in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent

these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will

promptly develop.

Murphy's Seventh Law:

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to

worse.

Murphy's Eighth Law:

If everything seems to be going well, you have

Obviously overlooked something.

Murphy's Ninth Law:

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

Murphy's Tenth Law:

Mother Nature is a "son-of-a-gun."

Murphy's Eleventh Law:

It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because

fools are so very ingenious.

Murphy's Twelfth Law:

Things get worse under pressure.

A few additions to Murphy's Laws ...

C01:

To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly

before you start.

C02:

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

C03:

If mathematically you end up with the incorrect

answer, try multiplying by the page number.

C04:

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream

and shout!

Life's Like That...

2010-02-12T08:13:00.000-08:00

Before Marriage - - -

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

Girl: Do you want me to leave?

Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.

Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Of course! Over and over!

Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?

Girl: Will you kiss me?

Boy: Every chance I get!

Girl: Will you hit me?

Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

Girl: Can I trust you?

Boy: Yes.

Girl: Darling!

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top

~~~~~~~~~~HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY~~~~~~~~~

INDIANS...

2010-02-01T08:43:00.001-08:00

A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

  A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

  B. 2 French men and 1 French woman

  C. 2 German men and 1 German woman

  D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

  E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman

  F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman

  G. 2 American men and 1 American woman

  H. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

  What a Crazy coincidence!

  One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed:

  A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

  B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

  C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

  D. The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them.

  E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.

  F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman.

  G. The two American men are contemplating suicide.  The American woman is bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of the household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much better, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.

  H. What happened to the Indians????

  scroll down......
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  The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman...

Our very own Mithun special

2010-01-12T08:35:00.000-08:00

Recently the father of physics made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.In the movie of Mithun Chakravarthy, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:

1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Mithunda

2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does......He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda utters the following dialogue "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".

3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

4) This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a another Mithunda movie for one last time and thought that at least in one movie he will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives. Mithunda gets to know that the villain is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Mithunda can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Mithunda has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible..Mithunda suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead...

Year 2010...

2010-01-02T08:36:00.000-08:00

 YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN 2010 WHEN................

 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is

 that they don't have e-mail addresses.

 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see

 if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of

 the screen.

 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have

 the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for

 panic and you turn around to go and get it.

 9. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your

 coffee.

 10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

        HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Difference that counts...

2009-12-28T05:09:00.000-08:00

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.

Santa Interview..

2009-12-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

AN INTERESTING INTERVIEW........Santa Strikes Again!!!

Interviewer : Let me check your word Power...
Santa : Ok Sir ....
Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of .....good.
Santa : hmmmm..... Bad
Interviewer : Come
Santa : Go.
Interviewer : Ugly.
Santa : Pichlli.
Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?
Santa : UGLYYYYYYYYY..
Interviewer : Shut Up.
Santa : Keep Talking.
Interviewer : now stop these all..
Santa : now carry on this all
Interviewer : abe...chup ho ja..chup ho ja..chup ho jaaaa
Santa : abe bolta rah..bolta rah..bolta rahhh
Interviewer : Areeee yaaar
Santa : areeee dushmannnnnn
Interviewer : Get Out.
Santa : Come In.
Interviewer : Oh my God.
Santa : Oh your Devil.
Interviewer : U r Rejected.
Santa : I m selected...I M SELECTED??? REALLY?? BALLE BALLE

IAS Toppers Answers!!!!!

2009-11-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

These are real answers given by IAS TOPPERS...read on.....

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Problem, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will get wet and sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A. The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Dinner. (UPSC 29 rank)

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A. It caused a revolution. (UPSC 55 rank)

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A. Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

A Woman's Mind

2009-11-02T00:25:00.001-08:00

A man walking along a Goa beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?"

A Girl can change your GOAL!!

2009-10-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

Now that's what I call Intelligence

Recession T-Shirts

2009-10-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

(Source: www.designonline.me)

How to make a Woman HAPPY!!

2009-10-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

It's really not difficult...

To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a psychologist

15. a pest exterminator

16. a psychiatrist

17. a healer

18. a good listener

19. an organizer

20. a good father

21. very clean

22. sympathetic

23. athletic

24. warm

25. attentive

26. gallant

27. intelligent

28. funny

29. creative

30. tender

31. strong

32. understanding

33. tolerant

34. prudent

35. ambitious

36. capable

37. courageous

38. determined

39. true

40. dependable

41. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

42. give her compliments regularly

43. love shopping

44. be honest

45. be very rich

46. not stress her out

47. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

48. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

49. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

50. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

51. Never to forget:

* birthdays

* anniversaries

* arrangements she makes

ONLY .........................................

WHO'S IN CHARGE?

2009-09-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who the one in charge was.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge!!

My Perfect Hubby

2009-09-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.

A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping center and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs. 10,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs. 40,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ..... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs. 2,50,00,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 2,25,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go for the extra amount. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: ............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ ......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ .......

............ ......

............ .......

............ .......

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to????"

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

2009-08-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

1."We will do it"
means
"You will do it"

2."You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"It’s not getting done - At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight mis-communication"
means
"We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension
of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "
means
"We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out,so no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,"
means
"Well you know..."

15."We are a team,"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best"
means
"You are in trouble"

Meaning of Designations

2009-08-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months

Ratings Game for MEN

2009-08-07T01:53:00.000-07:00

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

Named Rita (-4)

Rita is a dancer (-6)

Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You forget her birthday (-50000)

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And its all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Techno Terms Dictionary

2009-07-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

THE TECHNO TERMS DICTIONARY
Now for a few variations on familiar terms:

STATE-OF-THE-ART
Any computer you can't afford.

OBSOLETE
Any computer you own.

MICROSECOND
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

SYNTAX ERROR
Walking into a computer store and saying... 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.'

HARD DRIVE
The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI
What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')

KEYBOARD
The standard way to generate computer errors.

MOUSE
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

FLOPPY
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

PORTABLE COMPUTER (laptops)
A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

DISK CRASH
A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

POWER USER
Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

SYSTEM UPDATE
A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

386
The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

Marketing concepts explained

2009-07-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
- That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him."
- That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
- That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?"
- That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
- That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him.
- That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.
- That's restriction for entering new markets

Quotes from NAVJOT SIDHU

2009-07-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

A collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

(made during his commentary of the cricket matches):

1. That ball went so high it could have got an

airhostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India,

but it's that of an incoming train which will run them

over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when

you are bald.

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian

taximeter.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way

they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a

lot of petrol but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me

tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in

the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumblebee and the

Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a

haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a

topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the

cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala..! One

falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss

without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a

goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to

Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first

two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect

to score a six.

21. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

22. Nobody travels on the road to success without a

puncture or two.

23. You got to choose between tightening your belt or

losing your pants.

24. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

25. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming

youth.

26. You may have a heart of gold, but so does! A

hard-boiled egg.

27. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking

competition.

28. The third umpires should be changed as often as

nappies and for the same reason.

29. The world is all about mind and matter, I don't

mind and U don't matter...

30. In London they drive on the left, in India we

drive on what is left!

Howzzzzaaattttttt!!!!!

Position v/s Performance

2009-07-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead
of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to
admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Johhny J., taxi driver from New York !
God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Johhny J.: Please take this
silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven .

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming
I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church the last
40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe
& enter the Kingdom of Heaven .

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed,
driving Taxi Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a
who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to
do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his taxi, people
PRAYED.

Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that matters....

New HRD rules

2009-06-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

TRANSPORTATION :

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).

- They are called SUNDAYs.

LUNCH BREAK :

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS :

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE :

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.

Important Note:

Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,

HRD

Terrifying Story

2009-06-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.

A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new
expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and
when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from
nowhere.

Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to
get a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's
wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so
heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next
to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved
him - when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine,
the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a
curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.
He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand
appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next
bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every
time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get
the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches
open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as
hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he
starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.

There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking .....

.
.
.
.

.

.

.
.
.
.
.
.....and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa
points and says "Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it"

What is Love?

2009-05-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children was asked, "What does love mean?" The answers they gave were broader n deeper than anyone could have imagined.

--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday"
(Tina - age 7)

--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
(Clare - Age 5)

--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
(Billy - age 4)

--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
(Rebecca - age 8)

--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
(Chrissy - age 6 )

--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
(Terri - age 4 )

--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
(Danny - age 7)

--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
(Tommy - age 6 )

--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love"
(Cindy -age 8)

--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
(Elaine - age 5)

--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
(Mary Ann - age 4 )

9 Months later...

2009-05-12T01:53:00.000-07:00

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
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'She just died and left me everything.'

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

2009-05-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

Some one Help me on TAX......

1) Qstn. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qstn. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!

3) Qstn. : >From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qstn. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qstn. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans. : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax!

6) Qstn. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

7) Qstn. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

8) Qstn. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

9) Qstn. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!

Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax!

10) Qstn. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) Qstn. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

12) Qstn. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

13) Qstn. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

14) Qstn. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

15) Qstn. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

16) Qstn. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

17) Qstn. : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE!

18) Qstn. : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

19) Qstn. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX!!

20) Qstn. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) Qstn. : Can I die now??
Ans. : Wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX!!!

Why We Live as Long as We Do...

2009-04-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten."
So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So this is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing;
for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family;
for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren;
and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par?

2009-04-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

If Aamir Khan Did Not Make Taare Zameen Par: A Movie Un-Review

I have a gut feeling that TZP would change people like no other movie has previously done. I know only Aamir can make a film like TZP. But let us assume he did not make it (dream on!). What would the film have been like-

If Karan Johar made TZP

• Obvious starcast:
- Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
- Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
- Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
- Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
- Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).

SCRIPT:
• It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
• The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
• It would have one dance number.
• The film would be titled 'Kuch Taare Zameen Par.'

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made TZP

• Obvious starcast:
- Salman as the teacher.
- Rani as the mother.

SCRIPT:
• Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
• An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
• Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
• The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a difference. The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made TZP

• Obvious starcast:
- SRK as the teacher (yawn).

SCRIPT:
• In the original TZP, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
• The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
• To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
• The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.

If Rakesh Roshan made TZP

• Obvious starcast:
- Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
- Rehka as the Kid's Mother.
- Rakesh Roshan would do a special appearance as the Kid's Dad who gets killed by Aliens and hence the Kid's illness.

SCRIPT:
• Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
• Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
• In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
• Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back..
• The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
• The film's name would again start with a K.. probably 'Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par'.
• The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made TZP

• Obvious starcast:
- Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
- Paresh Rawal as the Kid (Can't Believe it--).

SCRIPT:
• It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
• The film will be full of adult jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein- par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
• In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
• And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.

And THAT is when the fight started!

2009-04-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.' .
And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.' I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...........

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---------------------------------------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started.............

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--------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started................

------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium
rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
" Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started.................

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------

A woman was standing, looking in the bedroom mirror. She
was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay
me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..........

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.. I told her the
beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started................

------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her back look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday..
And then the fight started.......................

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And then the fight started...................

--------------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I
hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential down.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all
day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, the weather out there is terrible.' My
loving wife of 10 years replied 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ..........

Women's Words

2009-04-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2025

2009-03-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

• President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi.

• Dhoom 17 ready for release.

• I will play next world cup - Sachin Tendulkar

• Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend Aishwarya's 3rd marriage.

• Mein To Ab Bhi Jawan Hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan & Madhuri Dixit.

• After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom".

• Petrol Rs. 999/= per ltr.

• Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to Korea.

• Navjot Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host & the Guest too.

• Riots in the Parliament as the newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat & Rakhi Sawant enter the assembly.

• Maruti launches its new Hovercraft "SX-25". Honda, Toyota & Tata to follow.

• A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya...

World Police Cars

2009-03-07T06:26:00.000-08:00

German police car.....Lamborgini..gallardo..max speed 320km/hr

England.....Porsche ......Do I have to tell the speed...

Spain.....Audi TT....max speed 280km/hr

France.....Pegaut...Sports GT

Japan.....Lancer Evo IX...max speed 280km/hr

Now for the Ultimate Police Car in the World !!!

India's Mahindra Jeep !!!

Max Speed not disclosed due to Security Reasons!!

Reason why never visit a 5 Star Hotel

2009-03-06T07:57:00.000-08:00

Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: " Tea please "

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst

An adorable creature called W-O-M-A-N

2009-02-17T08:13:00.000-08:00

If U kiss her, U r not a gentleman
If U don't, U r not a man

If U praise her, she thinks U r lying
If U don't, U r gud for nothing

If U agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If U don't, U r not understanding

If U make romance, U r an 'experienced man'
If U don't U r half a man

If U visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If U don't, she accuses U of double crossing

If U r well dressed, she says U r a playboy
If U don't, U r a dull boy

If U r jealous, she says it's bad
If U don't, she thinks U do not love her

If U attempt a romance, she says U didn't respect her
If U don't, she thinks U do not like her

If U fail to help her in crossing the street, U lack ethics
If U do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics

If U are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says dat's a girl's way

If U visit another, she accuses U of being a heel
If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural,we r girls'

If U kiss her once in a while, she professes U r cold
If U kiss her too many, she yells that U r taking advantage

If U stare at other, she accuses U of flirting
If she is stared by others, she says that they r just admiring

If U talk, she wants U to listen
If U listen, she wants U to talk

Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB

2009-02-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an
open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the
situation.

If they are counting the bricks.
Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces.
Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window.
Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.

Congratulate them and put them in top management !!!

Some Funny Cartoon Pictures

2009-01-31T00:28:00.000-08:00

Suicide is a Crime......

NO COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!

Moral - Keep things out of reach of children

Health Drink for the Diet Conscious....

Taking my work seriously....

Men v/s Women

2009-01-24T01:05:00.000-08:00

Men.

All men are extremely busy.

Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the first

woman leaves them.

Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and

still try their luck with others.

Women.

The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and

stuff.

Although they always buy expensive clothes, they say they never have something to

wear.

Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just 'an old

rag'.

Although their clothes are always 'just an old rag', they still expect you to

compliment them.

Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Teamwork is important

2009-01-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

Importance of Team Work to achieve common targets

REASONS WHY LIFE WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND IS COOL....

2009-01-12T01:11:00.000-08:00

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is
automatically cool, and everyone loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody
phone to ring

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right"
and "wrong" for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything
according to ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a
girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won't have to waste time writing love emails or sms’s.
No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some
weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for
them.

BABY DILEMA in OFFICE

2009-01-06T02:42:00.000-08:00

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months